It is not your fault, since I am the one who
took you in. It is not his fault, since all his will always be his. It is not
even my fault, and I can’t blame myself deeper or I can’t step it out. I
can’t blame myself if I took you in, I can’t regret what I have already done,
although somehow I still thinking about it. I’ve told you that I can’t make
someone stay, not even you. You have your rights to go, to leave, or to meet
somebody new, I will not forbid you because we all have our rights to always be
moving on. What I have realized is that people are too fast to do something
without a reason, either did me. I can’t control what I must feel right now,
and I believe so do you. Feels whatever you want to feel and do whatever you
want to do, it’s all yours. The relation between you and him is unbearable for me,
since I have had a relation like you have before. No no no, I don’t blaming you
for what happening now, I once told you that we can’t force a feeling, we’re
blessed because we can still open our heart to feel something. I just can’t figure
your relation out, I am in my way to just letting it go, means… I am trying.
You and him finally have a relation I can’t figure
it out because it was out of my reach. Mine is finely ended, or I ended it. It’s
your turn or mine? Because it’s funny how life treat me. God make me to feel it
twice to make sure that I am taking something from my lesson before. You see it
happened twice, and it's happening to you now. Even you always deny it. And
that is the key I have to realize. When I was trying to deny it, it will haunt
me all the time till I can really letting it go. Because when I am not letting
it go, God will never take part to take the rest. I am trying, yes, trying… A
process. What make it hard to leave? It happened when I think life is gonna be
alright and it happened when I think life is pretty good about the future. Who
says it will not hurt? Nobody. Sometimes hurt is just a feeling that inevitable
and we just have to deal with it. Just deal with it because I can’t even force
myself to pretend that I can let it go.
So, I am trying to let it go then deal with
it. Thanks for make me finally understand that the only thing I can do is just
to smile, or I will ask God, did I do my best so You can take the rest?
