A Self Reflection Post #6 : Dear Self, Here Are Things You Need to Know

So there will be this time, where I should hug myself, stand for myself, and just go through this phase alone. There will be a time where I should not care about my feelings anymore, there will be a time where I should not follow my emotions anymore.

When the universe is not helping you out, you should help yourself.
When there's nobody you can lean on, you should lean to yourself.
When there's nothing you can do anymore, I want you just stay at your place...
reflecting to the things that already happen in the past.

I want you to not losing your self while you are searching for somebody else...
I know you may be tired of being all alone, but remember that you should fix yourself before you find your other half.

I know that you are the kind of person that will be easily attached to someone.
But hang on, remember that someone is in your life to tell you something.
Sometimes,
Someone is only a lesson where you cannot hold them back,
Where you cannot ask them to stay...
Where you cannot make them to do what you really want.

Dear Self,
Please be standstill.
I still don't know where this will end, but please don't lose your faith.

Dear Self,
Please stay,
I know you lost, but be there for yourself.

---
Thurs, 30 January 2020

Dear No One

There's so much in my head that I would like to share

I have so many things in mind that I couldn't share to anyone,

I just want to keep it for you

Mmm, I also have so many plans to do, but you just haven't here yet.

There are so many things that I think it's weird if I tell anyone about it,

But I just want to share it with someone that will accept that weirdness.

I just want you to know that I like to do something silly and sometimes I'm ashamed about it.

but I hope you wouldn't be ashamed too :(

I also want you to know that, I'm pretty reckless. (especially if I'm nervous).

I'm easily distracted, and easily lost focus.

Dear no one,

I want you to find me and see me in my miserable place,

Please bear with me,

Thus, I will also try to accept you with all of your flaws.

Dear no one,

I want to tell you many things...

---

Jakarta, 22 January 2020

She

She is complicated.
Mostly she is a ray of sunshine,
cheering up for herself and others.

Oneday she is a gloomy sky,
hiding to the place the other wouldn't find.

That's her and herself.
She is hoping someone will see her,
not only when she is a ray of sunshine, but also she as who she really is.


-----
on my way to the office,
Jakarta, 21 January 2020.

It feels sooo good today,
There is much positivity and I'm in a good mood.

Let's keep it till the end of the day.

Blinded Flashlight

For a moment, a feel the most alive
I'm not afraid of what I feel, I just gonna get it through.
For a moment, I could forget what was yesterday and I'm brave enough to hope for tomorrow
I brought myself a mile further...

I forgot what pain is.
I knew how to enjoy the time I had, how to live in the present.
I'm no longer crying on my way home because I forgot every scar I had back then.

I'm no longer crying because...

I forgot to remind myself I should stop.

Until I realize it was too late and regret was the only thing left behind.
Until I realize I was falling again.

Until I realize I was making the same mistake.

Jan 8, 2020.