Been a while since my last post back in 2017 about marriage life, now I will start writing something interesting and worth to post. It is not so far from my personal experience and what I have been through in my college years. I wrote most of these sentences in my twitter account so it may look the same. It is written because I feel relief after meeting someone I have been known for years, and it became such a reconciliation. Last week, I am coincidentally having a conversation with this one after years of silence.
Back in 2015 when it all started, it became the point of the retreat in my life. After that moment, we don't even have a chance to talk freely like we used to. It has changed me, most importantly it has changed how I see life. We live in the misunderstanding we don't even know how to end it. And it lasts for at least 3 years at the moment. I believe that the time replaces the thing that cannot be described in the past. So here we are, facing each other like we used to, starting something we've been stopped doing for years. If I may say, the misunderstanding is not as thick as the mist. And we have silently stated that what has been left for us is only live in the past, we don't need any further explanation for that. It is ended before it is ended. It was just like the sun is finally raising from the unexpected place and unpredictable time. After the past 3 years, I am healed...
Unfortunately, it is not only between us, but it was something more. These past 3 years, I tend to think that it is one of my responsibilities to reconcile the two opposite sides where I may stand in the middle. We've become a family until something happened to us 3 years ago. We were then turned into strangers. I am trying to be honest that we are mistaken our relationship. It is just like an explosion where nothing can go back together ever again. It just sucked to know that everything has changed in a minute. It tore me apart. It swallows me to the depth of sorrow. I can't see any positive sides. I blame everybody, and myself. I am broken in my best place.
BUT, the more I think about this problem the more it stresses me out. But anytime in my life, I'd like to say Alhamdulillah for everything. I have my dearest friends who support me in my ups and downs. I would never know how I can pass it through without them. They taught me how to live separately without my previous circle of friends. They taught me that I have nothing to show them off. The one that should be proud of me is ME, and everyone that matters. I should achieve something in life because I should too, it is not because I want to show them that I can be better from them.
I began to learn not to blame anybody, not even myself. I learn how to achieve my own goals without saying that I want them to know. I shine in my own way. And most importantly, I learn to forgive myself for what happened in my life. I want to prove how this following quote: "TIME HEALS WHAT REASON CANNOT". I just want to know how it works for me. And the time has its answer. Time does not only heal, but it also replaces things with something better.
After all these years, I finally realized: sometimes some things cannot get done by yourself. I stop blaming myself as if I take all the responsibilities for what happened in the past. I realized that with or without me, it will happen the right way. I learned so many things from this experience. I choose to forgive, whether the two sides will reconcile or not, they decide... I can't force them to forgive each other, I can't tell them what to do because I don't have control over someone, but I have a control over myself.
So I choose to only focus on myself and how I see this problem from different point of view. I have learned so many things from this. And I guarantee that now I am a better person than yesterday and I am still growing every and each day. In the end, I am gaining positivity from both sides. I'll take only the good thing that grows me better. I just hope someday in the future, they can forgive each other and give a hug like brothers again.
Aamiin...
No comments :
Post a Comment