Scrawling

I woke up this morning and feel so strange.

A little bit funny to realize that it’s all about you again and that you are the only person that has been lingering on my mind for more than 3 or 4 years.

I’ve been denying the fact that you don’t even care or know about me,

Because we only had a chance to know each other in a very short time.

I haven’t got any chance to know you,

And I bet you don’t even think about who is me,

Who the hell will think that I’ve been thinking about you these past years?

It’s funny, right? I know, I even haven’t had a chance to have any good conversation with you. But those time when we were sharing our little time in the past, I’m still embracing it like it will live forever in my mind.

I know that you’ll never believe that you’re making me thinking about you this far.

Hahaha, I know it sounds crazy.

I’ve told you that you’ll hardly believe this.

Nonetheless, I just want to be honest, you’re the person that I always pray for in my nights.

I’ve been blind by your personality, and don’t even care that you will never notice this.

But this morning, only this morning (I hope that I can keep this consciousness longer), I realize that all these years I’ve been wasting my time to think about someone that will never know I have a feeling for him. I’m just one of the crazy girls hoping that you ever know my existence and someday you’ll know I’m here, waiting for you to notice that I’m here...

Ha! No, I’ve must have been crazy.

Just before I let this feeling go, I just want you to know that I’m grateful for what I feel. Every time you’re around in my mind, I try to change to be a better version of me.

Now it’s time for me to end all of this crazy things, I have to stop thinking about you, I have to stop wondering about the future ever again. I just want to stop it.

In the end, do I have to let you know?

Or, do I have to let those prayers just tell you the truth?

A wry smile left on my face...


Written on Saturday, November 17, 2018